Official Statement By Gregory R. McGee,
Stanken Rose is a charming little imaginary town you will find about 27.4 miles from the asshole of Texas.
You’ll also see the name of my town shown as “StankenRose
The name refers to what is called “the stinking rose,” pronounced and thereby written with a pleasant Texas Twaing. It’s better known as garlic. Garlic is well known for warding off evil things such as free radicals, indigestion and vampires. It also makes just about everything from the kitchen taste better. (That and Bacon. But that’s another town entirely over on the other side of Porky Pine Creek.) With all the badness in the world today, as Mayor, I need all the help I can get to keep it as far away from my town as possible.
The most important thing is to just relax. Breathe. Come on by the Shiner Diner and have you a big stack of flapjacks. This’ll almost always brush away those “Imitation Maple Syrup Blues.”
You might also want to go by The Ritz, our fantastic movie house, where you can see talking pictures that are unavailable anywhere else on EARTH! There’s a few odds and ends in the VAULT as well, some of which are practically fossilized, due to being created in the last century.
I have to warn you of one little thing, though. We do tend to have a lot of fun with people who have forgotten how to act right. It says it right there on the front page. “Hypocrites, liars and fools will be ridiculed.” So, if you are among this unfortunate group of folks, it’ll be a little uncomfortable until you give up that kind of behavior.
An old Navajo dude once told me “It’s impossible to wake up a man who is only pretending to be asleep.” That’s generally all that’s causing a person to act crazy anyway. So, when you wake up, drop on by!
Feel free to stay a while! Check out all the interesting stuff in our world-famous newspaper, The StankenRoseGazette, beings you’re already here. Don’t be alarmed, there’s no actual paper involved as of this time. We don’t have the printing press up and running yet. At this point in time, we might just skip it.
And for the love of Pete, check out The Inter-Regional Kazoo Orchestra. This is a doozy. We’re always in the formative stages, and you just may get a chance to join up in the near future at a bar, restaurant, bar
Just put in a request, and we’ll try to work it into our busy schedule to turn up and put on a dandy of a show.
You are welcome to visit Stanken Rose, Texas at any time. Just leave your baggage at the city limits, because we don’t allow any bickering or insulting or that sort of thing in our little town. See how I switched from “My town” to “Our town?” Your imagination is likely paying me a visit already, right now.
To get here, you just have to find the asshole of Texas and start running from it as fast as you can, for about 27.4 miles. There, you’ll find Stanken Rose. We’re waiting for you. It smells
Oh. And bring a guitar or a tambourine or something. We like make a lil’ music around here!
Your Humble Mayor,
Stanken Rose, Texas