A Mid-Term Nightmare

by G. O. Fart

I had a nightmare last night.  I feel like this is going to be Deja Vu all over again.

Its Wednesday morning, November 7, 2018. 8 AM. The Oval Office.

The Republican party has just had a stupendous, unexpected, unexplainable victory in the mid-term elections.

Donald Trump is sitting at his tidy, empty desk, wishing that he smoked cigars and drank whiskey neat.  Because, if ever there was a time when this was appropriate, it is now.

He’s surrounded by his cabinet heads, and the leaders the Senate and the House. They are like cowering dogs, all of them, just waiting for their crazy, bilious, belligerent leader to hand out the new walking papers for all of them.  Fear fills the air.

“First of all, I just have to say that you guys are all worthless.  You’ve been fighting me all the way, even though I’m the boss around here. 

I carried this election all by myself.  I made it happen, and now thanks to ME, we have another 2 years to get the job done.

“First order of business:  I want every cabinet head to tenure a resignation by end of day today.  I want a new team.  You can stay on till I find somebody that wants to do things my way.

“Second.  I want my fucking parade! So of you military boys won’t give it to me, you’ll be finding new jobs too.

I want it big.  Right down the middle of Pennsylvania avenue.  Maybe on Christmas.  Yeah, that would be great. Trump’s Annual Military Christmas Parade.  Yeah. Somebody write that down. And I want to ride in one of those big Abraham (sic) tanks and paint it all with the stars and stripes.

“Third.  I want a uniform.  I signed on to be “The Commander In Chief,” right?  All of these shithole country dictators get uniforms, so why don’t I get one? I want a cool uniform with lots of medals on it.  Filigree on the sleeves. 

I might even wear a hat if you can come up with something that looks better than my hair.

“What number am I on?  I forget.  Five?  No. Four.  Right.  We start working on The GREAT TRUMP WALL by the end of the week.  I want to see wall going up like, NOW. 

I don’t care what you have to cut, just get it done.  Social Security?  Medicare?  Medicaid?  Your salaries? I don’t care! If you don’t get my wall built, you’ll all be looking for jobs next week.   And I want snipers on my military deployment to Texas.  You’re making me look like I’ve got no teeth,  by just sending engineers and cooks. I want this situation with Mexico to be OVER, and that’s probably going to require some bullets.

“Oh, wait. Pompeo, you tell Rocket Man to straighten his shit out or he’s going to get a nuke right up is fat little ass.  Mattis, get Putin on the phone.  We need to talk.   You don’t need to know about what so don’t ask. And Cutler, get that Chinese asshole on the phone too.  We’re going to end the trade war this week, and it’s going to hurt a little.

“And from now on, NO REPORTERS in my white house.  Fuck them.  Close the White House Press Room. They’ve been very mean and disrespectful to me, my beautiful wife and gorgeous daughter, even my sons.  So now they’re going to get it back in spades!  Even Fox News has turned on me, so they get nothing.

Huckabee, you just tell them no more daily briefings for the next few weeks.  Then, take a vacation.  Go Mara Lago, if you like.  Full comp!

“Any Questions?  Oh.  I forgot. Pence.  Get Mueller on the phone. I just can’t wait to say you’re FIRED.

And Jeff.  You knew it was coming. Sessions, you’re FIRED. Now get the fuck out of my office and get to work. I’ll be working on a list of people I want in jail for the FBI to get started on.  Hillary is number 1.  Then…I don’t know, maybe Obama.  Do we have anything on him?

Then I woke up.  Please, people, don’t let this happen to me.  Or you.  Or our country.

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