The StankenRose Gazette staff is practically bristling with prosaic talent. We realize that very few people actually have such talent. We also realize that, occasionally there comes a time for just about everyone to write an absolutely scathing letter to either a company that has cheated you, or an ex wife that you’ve had it up to HERE with and you just need to….well you know. Sure, you could just call them up and cuss at them till you’re blue in the face. But have you actually communicated how you feel? Have you succesfully made the person feel shame for what they’ve done? Has your diatribe actually changed the dynamics between you? Probably not.
An artfully composed, concise letter dripping with righteous indignation, laced with sarcasm and seasoned with veiled threats of the things that might happen to this person when they least expect it, because they deserve it for screwing you around…..a scathing letter will do all of these things.
That is why we are offering this service to our valued subscribers and customers.
For a small fee, one of our crackerjack writers will compose a custom letter to suit your needs. All we need is a few facts to go on, the nature of your complaint, etc., and we’ll do the rest.
Custom fonts and paper styles are available. The fees are subject to change.
RATE SHEET
1 page letter, with minimal research required. $50.
1 page letter, with footnotes and references and attachments to verify your complaint. $100.
Hand written letters, on parchment paper, with matching envelope. Delivered by Expess Mail. $200
30 second video letter,read by a threatening and overbearing person who will get your point across. $300
There are many other variations. Feel free to send us your request, and we will do our best to meet your needs.
EXAMPLES
Following you will find links to some of our previous “scathing letters.” Feel free to browse through them. But, I’ll warn you: prepare to have your ears pinned back.
The Relative Who Wouldn’t Leave
Enlarge LetterThis letter was requested by a family that was at a complete impasse, held hostage if you will, by an insane person who refused to leave or change her behavior. The home owner wanted to sell her house and move into a simpler living situation, but her granddaughter refused to leave. She thought that she could tank the deal just by being uncooperative. And, it was working.
The family contacted The Scathing Letter Department, and after an interview and analysis of the situation, we were able to find out the point of vulnerability to exploit. In this case, it was that the granddaughter was “partying” with a group practicing sexual proclivities that she knew for a fact her grandmother would find shocking. So, the granddaughters’s greatest fear was that she would be exposed and shamed.
The threat of this was enough to cause her to completely change her attitude.
Hours after this letter was delivered, after considering suicide and thankfully, rejecting that option (she has children), she told the family she would cooperate fully.
The sale went through without incident after that, with her full cooperation.
She and her children are now living in a state far far away, and everyone is happily going on with their lives.
All due to the power of one scathing letter.
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Talk about this portfolio piece–who you did it for and why, plus what the results were (potential customers love to hear about real-world results). Discuss any unique facets of the project–was it accomplished under an impossible deadline?–and show how your business went above and beyond to make the impossible happen.