IS THIS WHAT HAPPENED?
Subjective probability by G.O. Fart, editor of The StankenRose Gazette
Sahebeh, President Hassan Rouhani’s wife, (Iran), and Khadijeh, Ayatollah Khomeini’s wife, were at the spa getting their weekly face scrubs. The masseuse told them that their favorite exfoliant cream was no longer available, due to the ongoing sanctions.
Khadijeh went ballistic and marched into the Ayatollah’s office and began to chew his face off. “I’m sick to death of these sanctions. Do something! You are now sanctioned. No more hanky panky until you get this country back to normal.” Sahebeh did the same thing with her husband, President Rouhani.
After a sleepless night with his cold, resentful wife, Rouhani called Khomeini for a meeting.
“Yep, this really sucks. These damned Americans are making life miserable. We’re not going to be able to hold onto power much longer unless our people can get a square meal, a Coke and a tank of gas when they want it. “
“Did your wife cut you off?”
“Yeah. She gets very mean when her spa treatment is disrupted. There’s only one problem, though. You know what it is.”
“He’s getting way too big for his jodhpurs.”
“We’ll never be able to get back to the negotiating table with him stirring up the militant wackos.”
“Yeah. But what can we do? We can’t just demote him. He might start a revolution and put US out on the street.”
“Right. That’s happened before. Hmmm.
“I have an idea.”
“We’ll get the Americans to do it.”
“Oh, wow. That’s brilliant!”
In a CIA signals room somewhere deep in the pentagon, Sargent Johnson, USAF, saw something very interesting. General Soulemani’s exact location was suddenly lit up like a string of Christmas lights. “Hmmm. That’s never happened before,” he says to himself. Sgt. Johnson started getting all sorts of intel on Soulemani’s plans. Suddenly, he knows exactly where the guy was going for the next 3 days. He calls it in.
President Trump was in a meeting with his number one advisor, (the man in the mirror.) “You need to find a way to get these damned Democrats off your back, with this Impeachment thing, Donald. You need something, something big, very big, hugely big….
“Mr. President.” It’s Mike Pompeo knocking on the bathroom door.
“I’m in a meeting.”
“It’s important, sir.”
President Trump is informed that they have a bead on Soulemani, and it would be a pot shot to take him out.
“Wow. I am the chosen one.” Trump says.
“Excuse me, sir? Does that mean…”
Trump smiles. “Take the shot.”
Rouhani’s wife is happy now, but the country went nuts, of course. Hundreds of thousands of people were marching, and wailing and burning American flags.
“Now what?” he asks the Ayatollah.
“Just shoot some rockets at one of their bases. But, for Allah’s sake, don’t kill anybody wearing an American uniform!”
Rouhani says. “OK.”
“Then, we get JAS to report that we slaughtered, like 70 or 80 evil American dogs.”
“Oooo. They’ll love that.”
“And they’ll believe JAS over CNN.”
“Ha Ha Ha. Nobody believes CNN over here.”