The True Story of how I broke 8 ribs..

OK, so,  I was up on a chair…

getting a carton of water bottles down from a shelf above the refrigerator. I’d just learned that Austin’s water was on the fritz, and I already had an emergency supply because I’m such a smarty pantz.

The chair was oak, lacquered and shiny.  

I was just about to go to bed, so I was wearing socks.  When I slipped, I grabbed for the refrigerator and the freezer door came open. I lost my balance and started teetering backward. But lucky for me (not) the kitchen table was right there below, so I aimed my butt for it. It’s a nice old oak table with a drop leaf. Sturdy, but kind of delicate. At least, too delicate for a 200-pound old man falling on it.

My plan seemed to work for about 1/3 of a second.  Then the table flipped over on its side, and catapulted me toward the floor, shoulder first.

When I hit the floor, I crumpled up like an egg carton and just laid there for about 10 minutes.  

Once I realized I was not dead, I crawled over to another chair and pulled up off the floor, found my phone and called my sister Sharion.  She came like an angel and got me, and took me to the ER at my favorite hospital Dell/Seton in Austin, and they got me stabilized.

After X-rays, CT scan and blood tests, I learned that I’d broke:

my collarbone,

eight ribs, and, somehow,

my left middle finger.

(I won’t be shooting anybody the bird for a while.)

Also, I had a short laceration on my scalp, and it had bled quite a bit, but seems to have stopped now, so it probably won’t kill me.

After a couple of days of excellent medical care by some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet in a hospital, I was pronounced “healed” and sent home.

Now, I don’t hurt too bad unless I move.  Then, its yeeeooouch!

My days as an Uber driver are on hold. I could drive, actually. If I didn’t have to turn. 

But this is Austin, not Bonneville Flats.

So, I’m looking for something else to do. 

Got to pay that rent!

Any ideas?

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One Thought to “The True Story of how I broke 8 ribs..”

  1. G.O. Fart

    I recovered from the broken ribs just in time for New Years Eve! At which point I got involved in a 50 car pile up on the toll road due to a massive fog bank. Survived that too!

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